


Every Time A Bell Rings

by onechicagogurl



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/M, Tumblr: BFFP (Chicago Fire)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28030713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onechicagogurl/pseuds/onechicagogurl
Summary: I was four years old the first time I watched It’s A Wonderful Life and every Christmas Eve since it has become my tradition to spend it with George Bailey in Bedford Falls. And even after all these years it still packs an emotional wallop for me. Matthew Casey reminds me in some ways of George. A man who doesn’t see his own worth and all the good he has accomplished. A man who has probably more than once pondered the question what if I’d never been born. A man who perhaps needs a little help to figure it out.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	Every Time A Bell Rings

**Author's Note:**

> I was four years old the first time I watched It’s A Wonderful Life and every Christmas Eve since it has become my tradition to spend it with George Bailey in Bedford Falls. And even after all these years it still packs an emotional wallop for me. Matthew Casey reminds me in some ways of George. A man who doesn’t see his own worth and all the good he has accomplished. A man who has probably more than once pondered the question what if I’d never been born. A man who perhaps needs a little help to figure it out.

Matthew Casey sat lost in thought on the apron at Firehouse 51. An unlit cigar in his hand. Stella Kidd sat beside him picking jelly beans off a piece of a gingerbread house. It was her idea for a cigar chat, but once they set up the lawn chairs she declared it was a filthy habit and was going to stuff herself with sugar instead.  
Christmas Eve was never a good shift to draw, but this year it was far worse with the stay at home order. Kitchen fires, driving while under the influence, and domestic violence calls had all skyrocketed over the past week, and had only served to darken Matt’s mood further.  
Christmas had always seemed to Matt a holiday for other people. When he was a young boy he would see the other kids getting excited over what Santa Claus would bring and visiting their grandparents’ house and know that was not his reality. As a young man he would watch with wonder as Hallie’s mother began planning for Christmas around the Fourth of July and again would have that outside looking in feeling. The closest he had ever come to capturing that bliss was the one and only Christmas that he and Gabby had spent with Louis, and those memories had slowly been replaced with much darker ones.  
It had also occurred to Matt that he was turning forty next year. And the same thought that had troubled him since that gun jammed almost two years ago had started to take hold of him again. Why was he still alive when others who had so much more to live for weren’t. He had no wife. No children. And he had just ruined any chance he had with Sylvie by not leaving his emotional baggage at the door. Maybe what he should be asking himself is how much better everyone’s lives would be if he’d never been born. He’d once heard his aunt tell a friend that his parents’ marriage had been fine up until he was born and he now began to tug at that thread.  
He didn’t know if he necessarily believed his father wouldn’t have shown his true colours eventually, but Christie would still have the man she worshipped in her life. It might have kept her from making some terrible life choices like marrying Jim.  
And Hallie would still be alive. She wouldn’t have felt compelled to give up her prestigious residency at Lakeshore to travel to Guatemala to escape his unreasonable expectations and then return to work at that clinic. And Darden would be alive, too, watching his oldest son graduate high school. Maybe Rebecca Jones and Otis’ fates were also tied to his actions.  
And Gabby. He wasn’t sure how her life would have benefited without him in it. He imagined she would be fine either way, which wasn’t a comforting thought.  
And Sylvie. She would never have had her heart broken by another person she trusted.  
“Victor Vasquez.” Matt nearly jumped out of his chair at the sound of Stella’s voice. He hadn’t even realized he’d been talking out loud. “What about him?”  
“He’d be a victim of gang violence if you hadn’t stood up for him the way you did. And Severide told me once about a widow and her young son you helped out after their home was destroyed by a tornado. And what about that girl and her father you saved from an acid spill using a bottle of Windex, dish liquid, and duct tape.”  
“Enough.” Matt held up his hands in protest. “Anyone could have done those things.”  
“Sure thing, MacGyver.”  
“Fine. I’m a great firefighter. Doesn’t mean much if there’s nothing to go home to after shift.”  
“It means everything to the families who’s loved ones came home.”  
Matt turned to look at Stella and was surprised to find she had tears in her eyes. He reached out and patted her on the knee. “Hey. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to upset you, too.”  
Stella let out a quavering sigh and replied, “I hate to see you beat yourself up, that’s all. You’re a good man, Captain Casey. And if I’m allowed to speak frankly, there’s a few things I’d like to get off my chest.”  
“Go ahead.”  
“You loved, Hallie. She was the girl you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Even knowing how your story ended, you would go back and relive every second you had with her. Even the bad ones. No regrets. Am I right?”  
Matt choked back his own tears and quietly nodded.  
“I can’t speak for your family, but your father was probably that person when your parents married. It just got harder to hide the longer he pretended to be someone else. And if Christie hadn’t married Jim there wouldn’t be Violet. And you love your niece.  
“And you are not at fault for any firefighter’s death under your watch. I know it feels like it and being a leader carries that burden, but Darden and Otis knew the risks of the job. And you helped care for the Darden boys after their father’s death. You stepped up like you always do.  
“And Gabby.....”  
Stella trailed off and seemed to be considering her next words carefully. Matt understood. Stella wanted to be brutally honest but also be loyal to her friend. She was also Sylvie’s best friend and probably knew more about their situation than he did. He signalled for her to continue.  
“There’s a lot of regret when it comes to Gabby. A lot of things you would do different if given the chance. But the outcome would be the same. She’d still be in Puerto Rico and you would still be here. You’re not in love with her anymore, but those what ifs keep you awake at night. Same as they do Hallie. You’ve loved and lost twice in your life and feel like you won’t survive a third. Sylvie’s question gave you the perfect out.  
“Except you don’t want that. You love Sylvie. It’s plain as day to everyone but Sylvie. Her question caught you off guard, that’s all. You’ve probably never given it much thought until now. Not just living your life without Gabby, but moving on from that life. And yes, you broke her heart, but Sylvie is only just now realizing her self worth and it’s a fragile thing. She doesn’t deserve to live in anyone’s shadow, and if you feel about her the way I think you feel about her, you’ll show her that she’s number one in your heart.”  
“Thank you, Stella. I really needed to hear that.”  
“You’re welcome.” Stella stood up from her chair and shook the crumbs off her shirt. “She’s in the common room, by the way. Watching that awful movie she’s so fond of. You should join her.”  
“Not a fan of Frank Capra, are we?”  
“George Bailey commits suicide and is shown a horror show of what life would be like without him and then he’s miraculously still alive and yelling ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone like a deranged lunatic. How does that even make sense?”  
Matt stood up and collected the chairs. He felt lighter than he had in days. He should have asked for Stella’s advice a long time ago. She had an amazing intuition when it came to her friends, and could get to the heart of the matter in a matter of seconds. Stella walked ahead of him, but as she reached the door she whirled around to face him.  
“Out of curiosity, and since it’s almost Christmas morning, where did Severide hide it. I’ve looked everywhere.”  
“Hide what?”  
“My engagement ring. I wanted to take a peek in case I didn’t like it and had to pretend I did so I didn’t hurt his feelings.”  
Matt couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Stella had figured out what Severide was giving her for Christmas. He shook his head and replied, “Sev will kill me for this, but try the blue room.”  
Stella gave him a quick hug and then wandered off in the general direction of the bull pen. Matt walked into the common room and found Sylvie by herself engrossed in the movie. He hesitated before seating himself on the opposite end of the couch. He watched as she silently mouthed the words of dialogue with tears running down her cheeks.  
“‘Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?’”  
Sylvie glanced over at him and gave a half-hearted chuckle. “I don’t know what it is, but that line hits me every time.”  
It had been a month since they had spent any amount of time together and Matt realized how much he had missed it. It felt so natural sitting here, with her, and he wondered if he dared move a little closer to her. Sylvie seemed to read his mind and patted the spot next to her.  
“It’s Christmas, Matt. And I miss my friend.”  
“Sylvie, I.....”  
“You don’t have to say anything. I know. I’m just not there yet. Someday soon we’ll have that talk. Get everything out in the open and start fresh. As friends. Hopefully as more than friends. But for now Clarence is about to get his wings and that’s my favourite part.”  
Sylvie went back to the movie and Matt settled in beside her. He took her hand and was surprised when she didn’t pull away. He thought of future Christmases with Sylvie by his side, watching this movie every Christmas Eve while wrapping presents for their children. He thought of being joined by Stella and Severide with their own little family on Christmas Day.  
He didn’t know if he was deserving enough to have all his dreams come true, but it would truly be a wonderful life.  
🎄THE END🎄


End file.
